You and I Both
by CourtneyAbigail
Summary: HIATUS!Gemma finally returns to England after Katriks death only to find out things are going to change for the good and the bad reasons. Yet after all this time she is not over Katrik, will her love for Katrik destroy everything for her?
1. Bitter Welcomes

I do not own anything except the plot.

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Bitter Welcomes

As I unpacked my things I knew right away that I should of not come back to London, but I was here to see Felicity and Anne. I was always back, because Thomas's letters were getting on my nerves, only a bit though, well that is what I told him. Each day he begged me to come back to London, I guess I tortured him a bit, especially when he is living with Grandmother, who is not happy about me wanting to continue my education at a university in New York instead of marrying. She blames all this on Felicity I bet, she has never said that to my face but I am sure of it. Dear Fee, she is a care free soul and the one girl that I never thought I would say was my best friend.

I turned my head when I heard someone knock on the door. I brushed up my clothes and checked my hair to see how it looked, "come in," I finally said politely. I did a silent pray to God that it was not my Grandmother coming up to the room to tell me once again that I was a disappointment to her. If you ask me she can hold one heck of a grudge against people.

I was relieved to see Thomas's dark curly hair and his polite smile standing there instead of my angry Grandmother who seemed to only know how to frown and glare at me. Yet I am not sure if her facials ever change, only when she is out with her friends drinking tea or at a social event. "I hate to bother you, but I was wondering if you needed anything?"

"Thank you but I think I am alright," I saw with a polite smile toward my older brother.

"Good, good," Thomas said looking around awkwardly and fidgeting a bit, a nervous habit on his part and I inherited myself.

"Was there something else?" I ask trying to ease him a bit.

"Yes," Thomas answered rather quickly. "Yes there is one more thing, you see it is Father," Thomas started off he looked me in the eyes and saw that my face had dropped. "Gem, we knew he would not last and each passing minute he gets worse. I think we should bring him back here so we can see him for the last time or we could possibly go there to be by his side. If I know Father he would not want to… pass on without someone next to him."

"I see," I said quietly. My throat all the sudden went dry and everything seemed to slow down with the beating of my heart. I knew this day would come, death is a part of life that we have to go through, it is a test that God puts out there to see if we are strong or vulnerable. My vision started to blur and I refused to let Thomas see me break now. I lost two people in my life already that I loved dearly. One I wanted to marry and one was my Mother.

Oh my poor Mother. Trapped in another world called the Realms, although the Realms was finally at peace but she was still there and not here. Katrik, the one that I wanted to marry died for me only two years ago. I missed him with all my heart and it killed me to know that I am the reason he is dead now. I am glad that he is united with his brother, but he is trapped inside a tree in the Realms. I hated that he sacrificed himself for me and look where he is now.

Thomas cleared his throat and I looked him in his brown eyes, "are you alright?" he asked gently. I nodded my head and looked down again. "It is okay to show your true feelings you know. Grandmother is not around she went to her friends house for a tea party, if I am not mistaken," Thomas continued.

"Oh Thomas. I just want to know if he is suffering or not," I finally said looking back up at him. I fiddled with my skirt and kept his gaze trying to see if he was going to try to lie to me or not.

"Gem, I want to answer your question but I am not sure if I can. He wont let anyone know he is suffering but I can tell in his eyes and in his writing that he is suffering. He is suffering from heartache and well he is also dieing. But I think it is a good thing though in a sad way."

"Why do you say that?" I asked trying not to be offended by what he just said.

"He and Mother will be happy together again," Thomas stated with a weak smile. I just wish I could tell him all about the Realms and how Mother truly died. I just wish I could do so and not be thought of crazy by my brother and others that find out the secret I have been hiding for a awhile now.

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Well there you have it. Please review, the button is bigger making it more tempting to do so.

Love always

CB


	2. An Unexpected Guest

_I do not own anything, expect the plot and original characters. _

Unexpected Company

When Thomas finally left me alone I slipped into my night dress and curled up under the blankets of my warm bed that I had not slept in for over a year. I tried to clear my mind, but my thoughts always wandered off about my father and then the one person I wanted to forget: Katrik. "Why did you do it Katrik?" I asked aloud to myself. I felt a tear creep out from the corner of one of my eyes. I had been holding in that tear since it happened. I never allowed myself to cry. Finally my body decided to fall into a deep slumber.

_"Gemma?" A gentle voice said. It was strangely familiar, yet I could not place it. I turned my head slightly and I tried not to gasp. Sitting next to me was the man of my dreams. Katrik. His dark eyes were so welcoming and comforting. _"Gemma! Are you planning on sleeping all day?" Someone shrieked coming into my bedroom. I was aware of them pulling back my curtains letting in brilliant rays of light. I moaned and threw the covers over my eyes. Then a rush of cold air came once the covers were thrown off me.

"Katrik, I need you to-"

"I already know, Gemma. I think of you all the time. I love you more than you can imagine," He whispered softly. My breath caught in my throat. The way he said my name took my breath away. His smell was intoxicating, his eyes made you feel like you were safe. His warm dark skin was comforting.

Our lips met and it was like a puzzle piece, our lips connected perfectly. He lingered from my lips, barely touching them and then he fully pulled away. For a moment I felt lonely, sad that it ended.

"Good day Gemma," he whispered in my ear. My body started to ache and I panicked.

"Don't leave, not yet," I said frantically.

"You will see me again, I promise" Katrik whispered and then with that he was gone.

I looked into the face that was breathing over my head and found Felicity standing there.

"Gemma! It has been too long, Thomas told me you were in town and I was upset that you did not write to me about being back, but it does not matter I must tell you all about France," Felicity rambled on.

I looked at her warily and slipped out of bed and sat down at my dressing table and looked at her waiting to listen like a good friend would. Inside me though itched to tell her about my dream of Katrik. Now that I think about it, it seemed so real to me. His touch, our kiss it was real. _No Gemma stop it! It was a dream. You have to move on some time. _A voice said in my head.

Felicity continued her tale about France and I slipped off to change pretending to listen but my thoughts kept drifting off towards other things. I could not get him off my mind once again. Something inside me expected to see him watching me from the streets below. I kept reminding myself he was gone. I even saw it happen.

"Gemma, are you alright?" Felicity finally asked.

"Quite alright, why do you ask?" I responded sitting back down at my dressing table and fixing my hair. Felicity came over and started to mess with it, making the most stubborn hairs corporate.

"You have always been no good with hair," Felicity said placing bobby pins here and there around my head. "I asked if you were alright, because you seem distant."

"I am well, thank you. I must still be tired from my long voyage."

"That is understandable. I would be too, traveling all the way from New York. Which you must tell me all about," Felicity said taking a sip of tea that the maids must of brought in.

"I will, I think we should wait till we meet up with Anne," I said standing up and grabbing a cup of tea myself and sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Sure, sure." Felicity said. There was a knock on the door and Thomas entered.

"Oh hello Felicity," Thomas said she bowed her head in response, "Grandmother wishes to see you right away in the formal living room," Thomas continued and with that he vanished.

"Well here I go, wish me luck," I said standing and heading toward the door.

"Good luck my dear," Felicity said kissing me on both cheeks and hugging me and saying, "just in case I never get to see you again." I took a few deep breaths in and out before I headed toward the formal living area not sure what my Grandmother would want with me. To be frank I really did not know, she was a very scary woman to deal with.


	3. A Surprise I Should Have Seen Coming

_I do not own anything, expect the plot and original characters. _

A surprise I Should of Known That Was Coming

I walked up to the formal living room door and stood there. The maid that was standing at the door went to open it and I stopped them right away. "Wait! Not yet," I said holding up my hand. The maid gave me a quizzical look, but did as I asked. I looked at myself in the mirror once again to make sure she could not complain about my appearance. "Okay you can open the door now," I said to the maid giving her a sweet smile.

"Ah Gemma, there you are. You must be sluggish still from your long travel, I assume since it seemed to take you awhile to get here," my grandmother said to me as I walked into the living room. I could since her complaint that was hidden with politeness. Already getting criticize and it was only a little after noon. I looked past her and noticed a stranger over by the mantle, looking at the paintings and little odds and ins my grandmother placed there for decoration.

"I am terribly sorry, grandmother. I guess I have not yet recovered from my journey," I responded as politely as I could. Inside my head I sounded like a fake, I would hope our guest would not take notice of that or even hear it. Then my thoughts went to Thomas. Why was he not here?

My grandmother rose from her chair and set down her tea. "Gemma, darling, I would like for you to meet someone," She walked over to the stranger by the mantle. "This is William, he is Countess Charlotte's nephew."

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, I have heard a lot about you," he said in a gentle tone. His voice threw me off for a moment. I am not even sure why it did. It was soothing to hear in a way. He walked over to me and took my hand as he did I felt a tingle go up my spine. _Stop it Gemma, _I told myself. His hand was warm and soft almost like Katriks.

"The pleasure is all mine," I found myself saying. I looked into his blue eyes and found them to be intoxicating. _Stop thinking like this Gemma. Just stop it! _I inclined my head as I curtsied. I saw satisfaction on my grandmothers face and it made me feel uneasy. Of course she wanted this to happen.

"So William, what do you do?" I asked actually curious.

"I hope to become Prime Minister one day. I must warn you though, I am not all about politics." I smiled at him. "I want to learn more about you Miss Doyle, more than what I have heard about you."

"I am sure you have learned everything about me that there is to know, Mr.?" I said trailing off since I had not learned his last name yet.

"Mr. Edwin," He responded.

"Mr. Edwin," I repeated. _Mrs. Gemma Edwin. Gemma Doyle you better stop it! You are not going to get married, you will graduate from New York University. _I found myself constantly repeating that to myself ever since I laid eyes on William Edwin.

"Well Miss Doyle, I am afraid I must be going, my aunt is expecting for dinner tonight. It was once again, a pleasure meeting you." Our gaze met and I felt that familiar tingle, I almost had to gasp for breath.

"Please do call me Gemma and it was a great pleasure meeting you Mr. Edwin, do tell your aunt I said hello." I felt my body go numb when I thought of him leaving. In the back of my mind something was telling me not to fall for William, but something in me could not stop.

"It is not fair that you call me Mr. Edwin, when you do not want to Miss Doyle. So please call me, William." He smiled at me and I smiled back. I could feel my eyes shinning. The butterflies I once felt when with Katrik, were back and I tried with all my power to stop them.

I watched as William took my hand again and kissed it. I curtsied and inclined my head. I looked away when he walked past me to leave, but I turned around at the last instant only to see he had done the same thing. I smiled at him and he smiled back. There was something about his smile, it took my breath away, everything about him did. I felt guilt after William's departure. I had forgotten about Katrik, that was not fair to him. He was once my love and always will be, which means nothing can happen between William and I.

Yet something in my body itched to thank my grandmother for bringing him here to meet me. I felt my mind wondering when the next time I would see him.

"Lovely gent he is," my grandmother said studying me. "I can see that you are in agreement with me." I opened my mouth to protest against her accusation, but she beat me, "Gemma, I could feel what you were feeling when you met him, when you laid eyes on him. I could see it and I can still see it. I have never seen you so happy. Do not tell yourself that you do not deserve that man. When I met your grandfather, I was like you. I did not want to marry, I did not want to be like the other women. But my mother forced us and it was the best thing in the world. I loved your grandfather with all my heart. When he died… when he died," grandmother paused and for once I saw sorrow in her face and eyes. Her body slumped and she sat down slowly. I sat down across from her and reached out for her hand. She looked up at me with surprise and I smiled at her.

"I sat next to his side the entire time. If it was not for your mother, I would of probably have taken my own life when he finally passed." A tear strolled down her wrinkled face. "Gemma the worst thing you could do is push Mr. Edwin away from you. You never know if he will be the best thing in your life."

I let her words sink in for a moment or two before responding," you didn't marry grandfather for money?" I asked.

"My mother thought that. She didn't love your great grandfather, but me; I learned to love your grandfather more than my own life. I would of done anything for him. It pained me watching him die, knowing I could no nothing for him." I squeezed her hand gently. For once I felt sorry for my grandmother, I was mainly shocked that she was exposing her true feelings.

"Please know that it was hard to push you and I could not stay mad at you forever for your decision, but I wanted you to feel what I had felt. I have your best interest at heart."

"Thank you," I whispered. What I did next, I never thought I would ever do. I reached out and hugged my grandmother. She wrapped her arms around me a second later. It was nice. For once I felt a connection to her and I will always remember the conversation that we had together. I was not sure if I should tell anyone of it they would not believe me probably if I did tell them.

"Now run along. You probably want to spend time with your friends while you are still here." I watched her rise from her seat and I did the same thing. I inclined my head and walked toward the door. I looked back at her and smiled at her and she smiled back. She had a warm, loving smile that I had never noticed. Although I am not sure she had ever really smiled.

Back in my bedroom, I locked the door and walked over to my window sill and slowly sat down and for once I let the tears fall freely.

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_I am not sure about this chapter. I kind of like it. I lost track of what I was really going after with this story, but I kind of like the road that it is going down now. So I promise I will have a much sooner update. I have had the biggest writers block toward this story. I got inspired out of nowhere with this chapter, I think it is the fact that is snowing right now. Well happy New Years everyone and don't forget to read and review! _


	4. Reunited

_I do not own anything, expect the plot and original characters. _

Reunited

I woke to the sun blinding me, I looked around and realized I had fallen asleep sitting on my windowsill. I wiped at a few tears that remained and stood up. I brushed the wrinkles out of my skirt and decided I should change.

There was a light knock and it startled me at first. "Who is it?" I called.

"Felicity and Anne!" Felicity yelled from the other side of the door. Dread filled me when I heard her voice. I was in bad shape and I could not get away with lying why I looked the way I did. "Well are you going to let us in?" Felicity said with impatience.

"Come in," I responded rolling my eyes.

"The door is locked, Gemma," Felicity responded with aggravation. I went to the door and unlocked it and then went behind the changing curtain to change out of the dress I wore yesterday. "Why is it when I visit you, you look ghastly?" Felicity asked curiously.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," I responded struggling with the strings on my corset.

"Gem," Anne said softly, "you aren't over it, are you?" She continued. I did not see her face, but I could picture the worry on her face.

"I am perfectly fine." I heard Felicity say something back underneath her breath, but I decided to let it go this time. There was no since of arguing with the two of them when we all knew I was not over it yet. No matter how hard I tried, I could not forget him, I could not help but feel guilty when I did not think of him. "I have news for the two of you, that is urgent."

"What is it?" Felicity said with excitement. I could picture her eyes glowing and her body becoming stiffer than a board. I could see a smile cross Anne's sweet face. "Is it good?"

"Oh it is good," I said coming out from behind the changing curtain. "Grandmother had me meet someone yesterday," I started. I was evil and cruel sometimes and wanted to make them wait for more information. Felicity looked like an animal would if it saw food and was starving, Anne just smiled like she always does. "His name is Mr. Edwin or William Edwin. He prefers William over Mr. Edwin."

"Oh my goodness!" Felicity finally gasped out. "Tell us more about him," Felicity demanded.

"Please do," Anne said more politely than Felicity did.

"I will, once we go to the tea room. I think this conversation we are about to have is better with tea involved.

About ten minutes later we were sitting in the tea room, that seemed to not be as crowded as it usually was. I about opened my mouth to say more about William when I spotted him walking my way.

"Miss Doyle," William said politely standing by are table. I found myself rising from my seat and taking his hands as we properly greeted each other. I noticed that Felicity's eyes where glowing and they were darting between us dangerously fast.

"Mr. Edwin please let me introduce you to my good friends, this is Felicity," I said gesturing toward Felicity, "and this is Anne." Anne dipped her head and took a sip of her tea hiding a smile.

"Will you please join us?" Felicity asked politely.

"I would, but I am afraid I must be going, I am leaving for the country for a few days to hunt. I am terribly sorry. I saw you Gemma walking in and thought I must stop to say hello."

"Well what a shame," Felicity said smirking, "at least I have had the pleasure in finally meeting you." I flashed a warning glance at Felicity, but she just waved it off.

"It was a pleasure meeting you as well and you too, Anne. I am sorry Gemma, but I must be off. Good day."

"Good day," I found myself saying short of weakly. "I do hope you enjoy your hunting trip and I hope you get something."

"I as well, although I am not the best hunter to walk the earth." He took my hand again and kissed and I curtsied. I stood right where I was, paralyzed almost.

"Well, I had no idea you loved the man, of course we never got to talk about him, except we did get a name out of you," Anne said beaming.

"I don't-"

"Why, Gemma, why do you always deny things?" Anne asked. I began to protest once again, but found myself stopping myself. I do deny things a lot of the time. I don't get why I am so afraid of the truth. I don't know why I can't get over Katrik. It is silly, he was going to leave, I was going to go my own separate way as well. "Change of subject," I heard Anne say. She sounded so distant to me, but she was sitting right next to me.

The rest of the day went well, we gossiped about the latest fashions from France and who is courting who. We talked about some of our old classmates and we wondered where they were today. It was pleasant to be together once again. It almost felt like the old days. But only this time we are wiser and more mature.

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_After listening to the song Your Hands are Cold off the Pride & Prejudice soundtrack I finally got something typed. It may be terrible, but what more can you do when you are coming out of a writers block? I think I forced this one out though... Oh I well. I will you to decide on that by leaving a lovely, lovely review. Thank you guys so much for all the reviews and addings, it makes me smile. I promise an update will come sooner, maybe. I think I am going out of town next week, but I will just write in the car, no biggy. Ciao. _

_Courtney Abigail_


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